In between the serious Bible studies, the uplifting devotionals, and the friendly fellowship, there has been much merriment and mirth, and here are just a couple of examples of the hilarious humour presented by a couple of the people who were leading us from the front!
Number one, offered by the excellent senior servant in the Lord's company, Colin Baines:
"At a gathering of the local clergy in the town, the ministers were encouraged to come to the front of the audience and confess one of the major sins in their life. The first one to stand up was the local Catholic priest, who confessed he had a terrible drinking problem, and could not wait for the meeting to finish so that he could hit the bottle again!
The second minister to stand up was the local Methodist preacher, who confessed he had a real problem with smoking, that he could not give it up, that he smoked sixty ciggies a day, and could not wait for the meeting to end because he was dying to light up again!
The third offering was presented by the local Anglican vicar, who confessed to a terrible gambling problem. He had a season ticket at the local bookies, spent all of his money of the horses, and could not wait for the meeting to end so that he could dash down town and put a few quid on the favourite in the 3.30 at Kempton Park!
The fourth one to stand up was the local Pentecostal minister. He stated that his problem was that he was a terrible gossip, that he could not stop giving away people's secrets, and was always wanting to talk behind the backs of his congregation. He concluded by saying that he could not wait for the meeting to end either, for he wanted to dash out and tell everyone about the newly found secrets of his three companions in the local clergy!!!
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Offering number two, was by David Brooking who is the Manager of Brockley Hall where we are staging our Christian Retreat, and who is also an elder of the local Evangelical Mission in Saltburn.
He started by saying that "As you know Brian Gemmell is a very well known figure in Christian ministry, and for those of you who are not aware of this, please take my word for it that he is extremely well known, for Brian has assured me that his cheque is in the post!
To prove the fact that Brian is easily recognised by the "faithful" everywhere, let me tell you that on a recent vacation to Italy, Brian was being shown around the Vatican along with the rest of his tour group. Once inside, however, Brian was overcome with the need "to spend a penny". The guide gave him directions to the nearest "Winston Churchill", so that he could make his urgent call of nature.
Unfortunately, Brian is renowned for getting lost and losing his way on the directional route! He tried a couple of doors without success, then finally he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the door he thought was going to give him his urgent relief.
As he opened the door, however, and hurried through, he found himself on the balcony overlooking St.Peter's Square at the Vatican! Such is Brian's recognisable frame, that the adoring crowd below were heard shouting, "Who is the guy in the white robes standing next to Brian Gemmell!!!"
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